Here’s to Healing

I was interviewed this week by author G.G. Vandergriff. We visited about healing. Here are some of the highlights of that interview. I hope you enjoy them and that you’ll share your comments.

You have told me that you are passionate about self-worth. I have recently passed through some miraculous healing experiences, that have erased years of “abuser voices” in my head. Finally I am beginning to feel self-worth. I can tell from your website that you are an expert in this field. Could you tell us about each of your websites and how they relate to this passion of yours?

You are too kind. I am no expert, but I love teaching and writing about self-worth. Life can be harsh. We are surrounded by negative messages which can damage or destroy our self-esteem. Teenage girls are hit especially hard. A lot of women and girls struggle with feelings of worthlessness. When your self-esteem is in the toilet it colors every part of your life.

Each of my sites has a different purpose. was created when my first book was published. Some Secrets Hurt was written to prevent sexual abuse. It is an unusual book, because sexual abuse is a subject that no one wants to talk about. I think it’s time we start talking about it. Too many children are being hurt, and too many adults have never healed. Sexual abuse is a devastating experience, which damages self-esteem in a deeply personal way. The website is an extension of my book. There is helpful information and tools for parents, along with articles about preventing sexual abuse.

I teach workshops on self-worth to women’s groups and youth groups. It is really rewarding for me, because I know that I am making a difference. I teach women and girls that their worth is eternal and is not attached to their looks, their possessions, their popularity, or their money. Who doesn’t need that kind of reminder?

Our worth never changes. It is eternal. We brought it with us. Our perception of worth, or our self-esteem does sometimes vary. When we base our value on external measurements, we sometimes make poor choices, that can be life altering. When we understand who we are, and our incredible worth, we can make better choices. I encourage women of all ages to look deeper and to stand in their truth.

YourTrueReflection is a place where I can write inspirational thoughts to support self-worth. I post a new thought every Tuesday and you can read them at

In addition I write weekly to a writer’s blog called Paper and Parchment. Most of these posts are related to writing and you can read them at, also on Tuesdays.

Every once in a while I write a religious piece, about something that touches my heart or strengthens my faith. I post these rather randomly to LDS Scrapbook. You’re welcome to drop by and take a drink from my bucket of faith. You’ll find that bucket at

Why is it important that we arrive at a mental/spiritual/emotional place on our own before the Lord can bless us?

We have to do some work on our own before we are open to healing. As long as we are blaming someone else for our pain, we are not open to healing. The Lord cannot bless us with healing, because we have closed our hearts to it.

We also need to let go of control. If we must have control, then healing cannot come because we are not open to Father’s control. Any plea for help is short circuited because we want to be the master.

A number of years ago, I attended a piano workshop. The teacher was talking about the correct use of the body. She said, “Wherever you are hurting is where you are holding on.”

She was speaking of tension in the body, but I knew I had just learned a truth that would be my teacher.

It was not my body that was hurting, it was my heart. Holding on to sadness, grief, blame, and control were indeed causing me pain. I did not know how to let go, but in that instant I knew that letting go was the path to healing. I didn’t have to carry the burdens that I was holding on to. I have a Savior whose grace is sufficient.

I wanted to be in charge. If I was in charge, I didn’t need a Savior. I was full of blame and anger. I had to let go of blame and anger, before He could heal me, because they had filled me with poison. I wanted control. Surrendering to Him was the answer, because He alone could heal me

How would you advise someone with very little self-worth to become motivated enough to take the path to mental/emotional/spiritual/ health?

I teach people that it’s okay to love themselves. For some reason we seem to think otherwise. We seem to believe that it is conceited to feel good about yourself. We often feel that it is selfish to take care of ourselves and that a really good person will always take care of other first.

In truth, when we don’t take care of ourselves, we can become seriously depleted. Empty. Food for the hungry cannot come from an empty shelf; money for the poor cannot come from an empty purse; and service cannot come from an empty heart.

It is not selfish to take care of ourselves. It is essential. We can do so much more when we are healthy. When Jesus asked us to love our neighbor as ourselves, he meant what he said. We can’t love anyone until we love ourselves.

Is there any other vital advice that you have for us?

Here’s to healing. I love everything about it. I love it when truth doesn’t hurt any more.

Sometimes our perception clouds the truth. Painful experiences have taught us things that aren’t really true. For me, it’s like taking a truth out of my pocket, and looking at it with new eyes. What am I believing that is holding me back? What part is the truth and what part is the lie? What am I believing that isn’t true?

These questions can be really freeing. George McDonald said “Questions are like hammers that break through the dirty window of our soul, to let the light in.”

I also firmly believe that we need each other. When we despair, we need not feel alone. There are hands to hold. Hands that can lift us, if we can open our hearts and our arms. Reach out and you will find amazing help within your reach.

When we feel strong we can reach out to strengthen others. A hug, a smile, a phone call, a listening ear can be a life-line to someone who is in pain. We can “lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.”

We belong to a circle of strength. Sometimes we need to lift and sometimes we need to be lifted. It’s a beautiful thing.

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Cassandra Donnelly

November 6th, 2011

What a wonderful blog. I was struck by the comment, “Wherever you are hurting is where you are holding on.” I also like what you said about examining what we beleive because it is the lie that is causing us pain. Our self-esteem is tied to our healing, and we’ve been hurt or abused or self-esteem suffers, but isn’t it wonderful that God can show us the truth and deliver us, if we let go of control and give it to God. Thank you for posting this. You are motivational.


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