Will They Tell You?
Telling is best. We know that. The best way to stop abuse is for the child or teenager to tell someone he or she trusts. That can be the beginning of better days. A trusted adult can take steps to protect the child from further abuse, and also notify the authorities so that other children can be protected. Healing can begin.
If children don’t tell, and many don’t, caring adults may miss the signs that something is wrong. If your child was being abused, wouldn’t you want to know, so that you could protect your child and encourage the healing to begin?
You can encourage telling, by cultivating a trusting relationship with your child and letting him or her know that you there for them. Have lots of talks where you mostly listen. Encourage your child to come to you first, even with sensitive issues. Your reaction when difficult subjects are discussed may determine the kind of information your child trusts you with. Practice listening with an open mind and try not to overreact.
This kind of relationship helps, but is not a guarantee that your child will come to you when faced with abuse. Sexual abuse is embarrassing and personal and often reinforced with guilt and threats. Since children may not tell, it is smart to be on the lookout for anything that doesn’t feel right.
What are the signs of abuse? In Some Secrets Hurt, Maggie sometimes has a stomach ache, and feels sad, scared, or angry. She wonders who to trust and thinks about hiding or running away. Sometimes she cries. That’s a good place to start.
Check out any persistent physical symptoms like headache and stomach ache, especially if they are unusual for your child. Emotional upsets that are uncharacteristic for your child can be a sign that something is bothering him or her. Trust issues can also be a red flag. If your child is more distant than usual and doesn’t want to talk, it could be a sign of trouble. When a child withdraws from family or friends, it is time to check to out.
Any change in behavior or a disruption of eating and sleeping patterns can be a sign that something is wrong. Avoiding a certain person or place can be a sign. Negative self-talk, nightmares, bedwetting, depression, are all things to watch for.
In teenagers, behavior changes could include avoiding dating, extreme dislike of the opposite sex, a desire never to marry, or the opposite extremes. In extreme cases some teenagers turn to promiscuity, alcohol, or drugs, as a result of sexual abuse. Eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, or self-mutilation can also result from sexual abuse.
It’s best not to jump to conclusions, because there could be other reasons for the behaviors mentioned. However, never ignore these warning signs. No matter what the underlying issue is, these behaviors are a silent cry for help.
The only things worse than finding out that child is begin sexually abused is not finding out. Make it easy for your child to trust you with difficult information and then be watchful for signs of trouble.
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