If the Unthinkable Happened to Someone you Love, Would You Know What To Do?
If the unthinkable happened to someone you love, would you know what to do? Would they? If one of your children were being abused would they tell you? Would you notice that something was wrong?
The startling truth is that in the United States today, one in four girls will be sexually abused before the age of eighteen. One in six boys will be sexually abused before the age of eighteen. One third of them will never tell anyone. Contrary to popular belief, 90% of abused children know their abuser. Could one of those children belong to you?
How do you spot abuse? Of course, we all believe it will never happen to one of our kids, but given the statistics, we should all know what to watch for.
Notice anything that doesn’t feel right. Pay attention to behavior changes, especially sudden switches. Be on the look out for changes in relationships and signs of withdrawal from friends or family member. Watch for signs that indicate something is troubling your child. A change in eating habits can be a signal, as can nightmares and bedwetting. Unexplained sadness, anger, or fears should be carefully explored.
With teenagers, there can be additional signs. Any of the signs already mentioned can be present, but there can be others as well. Teenagers who have been sexually abused may avoid dating. They may voice an extreme dislike of the opposite sex and a desire never to marry. Or they may visit the opposite extreme and become obsessed with the opposite sex and have a desire to marry early. Some teenagers may turn to promiscuity, alcohol, or drugs as a result of sexual abuse. Suicidal tendencies and self-injurious thoughts can also come from sexual abuse.
Knowing what to watch for gives you knowledge. Being involved in your child’s life gives you influence. Open the lines of communication with each of your children. Show interest and have lots of dialog with them. Be a good listener. Be a safe person for your child to talk to. Be aware of what’s happening in her life. Know where he is going, and with whom. Get to know your child’s friends.
Talk to your child about abuse. Children sometimes become victims because they don’t have enough information. Realize that boys as well as girls can be targets for abuse. Remember that age is not a factor. Teenagers are sometimes abused. Small children are sometimes abused. Make sure that your child knows that abuse is not acceptable and that they can come to you with anything. Children do not have the ability to fight abuse on their own. Make sure they know that you are will back them up. Abuse is never the child’s fault. Make sure they know that.
Education is the key. We can’t be everywhere, but we can empower children to take control of their own bodies. We can give them tools. We can give them a voice.
Linda Garner
P.S.
Feel free to download the Parents Guide from this website. You can print it out for easy reference. You can share it with a friend. You can keep a copy in your purse, or wallet. The Parents Guide is from the book Some Secrets Hurt, which is available at most bookstores, and also online in the usual places.
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